Fart Cred! The Ultimate Equalizer?

FART CRED!

A Creative Commentary

By

David A. Archer

02/15/1968

02/01/2007

I realize this goes entirely to the least common denominator in regard to that aspect of bathroom humor. But really, looking at society on the whole there isn't much reason not to delve into such at least now and again. People are just tempered in that way these days.

Can you begin to imagine how incredibly insane society would be, if it were that farts remained as cool as they were in adolescence?

As if the sexual harassment lawsuits in the work place aren't bad enough, could you imagine the stack of un-ending lawsuits that would develop around Fart Cred?

If farts were somehow seen as cool and of some social value in the manner of potential gain... it is safe to say within our sad example of human society, that there would even be fist fights over claiming Fart Cred.

The legal system would be backed up for years with nothing more than lawsuits pertaining to rightful claim to magnificent fart exposition.

It would probably even be a celebrated competition at work place social functions. Perhaps even professional level recognition and competitions.

The water cooler chat would never be the same, that is beyond any question... and perhaps even surrounded with historic trophy displays of Fart Cred achievements.

People would be bragging about them for years in the office place. They would probably even become another small footnote when the company gives the old guy the cheap watch when he retires. "And Mr. So and So... as many of you may recall in 2006 had one of the most memorable fart cred moments in the companies history! Not only did he manage to clear the room twice with one out, but the companies complimentary fart-decibel meter got stuck!"

It would be another place for those tearful moments in recognizing achievements for sure.

There would be all sorts of manners in which to recognize variations of Fart Cred. Sound quality. Of course the smell. And for those more adventurous, and most likely at the professional level - the flaming aspect!

I could even see where it could be a place in which to break the boundaries of sexual in-equality, since it is such a common action within the human species... but of course, as most soprano's are of the female persuasion... it would be a safe guess that such credibility would be naturally divided in a likewise manner.

I could even see where trips up the corporate ladder and scholarships would be supported with Fart Cred. It might even become another musical position in pep squads and scholastic music programs... if they manage to stay around long enough to become so advanced and in tune with human nature.

It would most assuredly be a turning point for humanity. Progress in the same sort of motion that is deemed development in the modern day.. though in the more humanitarian sense.

Social evolution at its finest example no less.

I kind of hope I get called for jury duty on at least one of the first Fart Cred dispute cases.

It would be something to be a part of human history in such an advanced way. Especially if it were a high profile case like some big corporate Fart Cred dispute between top notch C.E.O.'s that had a falling out at the athletic club or the like.

For some reason though, as a species it will take the realization of the potentials within such a medium and form of human display. That in itself would be like pulling teeth given the rut that most people are comfortable in. Even when it would mean so much to everyone on so many levels.

The measure of prowess and self worth would be an entirely new ball game through simply employing the adolescent mind set most everyone out grows to begin with. Penis size would be of less concern as would sexual attributes of that nature in the female concern. New cars and other social status frivolity would step down a few notch's. And Fart Cred would reign supreme!

In a more perfect world, that is. But for now I suppose the average frivolous lawsuits and scams will just have to fuel the incredible machine known as American Society. Though obviously in even just this simple observation, Fart Cred would be a wind fall. Maybe even to the point of replacing the need for signatures on documentation... and even in the realm of copyrights....

Those things would simply be accompanied with a decent recording of a persons most presentable flatulence.

I bet more vegetarian foods would be consumed if it were that Fart Cred became precedent... its just the nature of high fiber food stuffs.

That would be something wouldn't it?